You are not a burden to God. Your mistakes are not too much. You don’t frustrate Him. You are His joy. His masterpiece. His child.
An Update ~
The past several months have been rather exciting.
First of all, my ex-boyfriend and I continued to struggle with temptations with one another, even when he got a new girlfriend, unfortunately. However, in the past couple of months, I have pushed him further than arms length and hope to keep my distance. It’s slightly uncomfortable, because I feel as though I’m ready to put him and my past with him behind me, ready to start fresh at college and I’ve gotten to the point where although it would be very easy to be with him because he’s familiar, I refuse to. I’ve gotten to a point where God has healed me and I can finally accept that it’s over. I can also firmly say now that I don’t want to be with him anymore, or ever again. Our relationship served its purpose, but it’s over—and that is most certainly for the best! He remains to be an excellent friend, of course, and I do love his family. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem as though he has gotten to that point of healing. He remains to be in a relationship with a girl he doesn’t love and he tries to be flirty with me. It’s frustrating and I’m currently trying to find a friendly way to tell him to back off.
I have another good reason to do so, other than the fact that it’s unhealthy to go back to someone who is in a relationship and who you’re only familiar with. When relationships end, sometimes it isn’t the best decision to start again, I’ve found, especially if from the beginning it’s been difficult to control yourselves. Anyway, around the time that I stopped using this blog, a Swedish boy was visiting one of my friends from church. I didn’t think much of him at first, only that he was cute and was really polite when I first met him. I had just arrived at youth group after visiting the college I will attend next fall (I didn’t know I would be attending there then, although I was very quickly deciding that I wanted to). He and I began chatting over Facebook the next week and that Friday we sat next to each other at a college group party (if you’re a senior, you’re invited to college group events during the school year at my church). We sat next to each other and began very cautiously to flirt with one another. Somehow or another, that developed. The Thursday before he returned home, we went to an indoor trampoline place and enjoyed goofing off with our mutual friends there. Afterward, we drove to a local ice cream shop and enjoyed our time there. On our way, we looked into each other’s eyes for several minutes. I don’t know if you’ve ever done that before, but I highly recommend looking into another person’s eyes. There’s something beautiful about it. I can’t explain it, really… We’ve kept in contact since he left. It’s a 7 hour time difference during the summer (6 during the rest of the year), but somehow we manage it. It helps that he’s pretty much a vampire when it comes to sleep… We Skype and chat on Facebook. I often talk about things with him that I never expected a Swede to agree with me on. It’s so, so strange, but so, so refreshing. His reverence and love for God is admirable and he must be one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met. So, so, so strange. He’s wanting to come back at the end of July in order to discuss more topics with my pastor, revisit some friends, and ask my parents for permission to date me. I really hope he is able to come. He’s trying to earn the money he would need to get him here and also support himself for the next school year. If God is willing, He will provide. I’m looking forward to it. I suppose we’ll have to see what God is planning for this new adventure. God’s timing is so perfect and so funny, too.
I also graduated! Finally, right? I’m done with high school and am looking forward to many years at a very liberal school. I’m definitely going to shake things up there. ;)
I have a new blog. If you would like to follow me there, please message me—but I won’t give it out to everyone.